And the Nobel War Prize Goes to…

He has provoked an assault upon the US Capitol. He delivers arms and technology to Israel so its “defense” forces can annihilate the Palestinians. He has invaded Venezuela, and threatens to invade Canada, Colombia, Cuba, Mexico, and Greenland.

He desperately wanted to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize but his wish wasn’t granted, so FIFA created another peace prize and awarded it to him. But FIFA is a sporting organization that has no business handing out a peace prize, so deep down inside he must have been disappointed. What a loser. We should all pity him.

To “right” this blatant wrong, I hereby propose to the Nobel committee that they should create a “war prize” that would be awarded to the world’s fiercest warmonger. There is certainly no shortage of candidates for such a prize, which makes it all the more worthwhile.

I’m sure the aforementioned Nobel Peace Prize loser would be even more proud to win the Nobel War Prize. After all, he renamed his Department of Defense the Department of War. He is certainly worthy of such a prize after everything he has accomplished so far, including the recent extrajudicial assassination of over 110 alleged “drug traffickers” in the Caribbean Sea.

Hey, times are changing, and so international prizes need to change too. How about another prize for the most imaginative fake news, or for the most racist / misogynist / homophobic online hatemonger? We could certainly use an architecture prize for the designer of the building with the biggest carbon footprint, or for the prompter of the worst piece of AI slop. With so many eligible candidates for such new prizes, juries will have to work hard and be very, very selective. The competition will be cut-throat.

Yes, a world in which even losers can win prizes is possible!